i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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