went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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