Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
