she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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