The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
