Whod you bang
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize
