I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
