She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
