We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
