Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
