Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
