I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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