you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
