last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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