Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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