WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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