I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
