i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
