He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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