I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
