it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
There are leaves in my underwear?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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