Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
