Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
