Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So vagazzling was a success
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
