WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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