Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
