Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
