he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
