I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
