like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
