I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
