sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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