At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
