just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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