So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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