dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
