how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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