SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
