Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
