you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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