whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
