he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
