Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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