I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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