Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Randomize
