She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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