dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
handjob tips. give me some.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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