I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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