I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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