everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
