Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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