she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
