I could make wine with my vomit
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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