nut hugger
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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